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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Things People Say - 94

Michael Jantze, The Norm (Daily Comic Strip)

I have no life, just e-mail.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Four snakes gliding up and down a hollow for no purpose that I could see -- not to eat, not for love, but only gliding.


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Anonymous

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Finish each day before you begin the next, and interpose a solid wall of sleep between the two. This you cannot do without temperance.


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Robert Frost

I'm against a homogenized society, because I want the cream to rise.


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Archibald MacLeish

The one man who should never attempt an explanation of a poem is its author. If the poem can be improved by it's author's explanations it never should have been published, and if the poem cannot be improved by its author's explanations the explanations are scarcely worth reading.


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Jane Austen, Emma

How much I love every thing that is decided and open!


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Anon.

Crime, like disease, is not interesting it is something to be done away with by general consent, and that is all about it.


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Groucho Marx

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.


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Frank Herbert, Dune

Humans live best when each has his place, when each knows where he belongs in the scheme of things. Destroy the place and destroy the person.


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Seneca

One hand washes the other. (Manus Manum Lavet)


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Quentin Crisp

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.



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