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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Famous People Sayings - 140
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Richard Lewis
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
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Oscar Levant
I knew her before she was a virgin.
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Dan Quayle
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in the stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Councilor or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to 'order' than to justice who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice who constantly says 'I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action' who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for someone else's freedom who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a 'more convenient season.'
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Hippocrates, Precepts
Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
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Ambrose Bierce
To be positive To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
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Dale Carnegie
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
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Arthur Stringer, "The Silver Poppy"
Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.
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Unknown
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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Albert Einstein
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
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Robert G. Allen
Many an optimist has become rich by buying out a pessimist.
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James Thurber
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
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