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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Things People Say - 190

Oscar Wilde

Nothing is so aggravating as calmness.


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Jonathan Swift

Some people take more care to hide their wisdom than their folly.


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Aldous Huxley

The only completely consistent people are the dead.


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Thomas Mann

Opinions cannot survive if one has no chance to fight for them.


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Mark Twain, Following the Equator (1897)

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.


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Edna Buchanan

True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway.


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Laertius Diogenes

When Thales was asked what was difficult, he said, 'To know one's self.' And what was easy, 'To advise another.'


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Albert Einstein

God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.


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Leonardo da Vinci

Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.


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Mark Twain

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.


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George Herbert Walker Bush

My grandkids say, 'Reality Bites.' O.K., but it also challenges and rewards...I believe our best days are yet to come.


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Plato

Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards and leads us from this world to another.



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