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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Famous People Sayings - 54
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Kenneth Tynan
A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping.
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Henry VII Cate
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
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Tom Wilson, Ziggy (comic)
Many of us are more capable than some of us... but none of us is as capable as all of us!!
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Epictetus
No man is free who is not master of himself.
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Abraham Lincoln
I will study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come.
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Bill Watterson, "Calvin", Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons
Today my spirit is going to school while my body stays in bed.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, 'Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
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Thomas B. Macaulay
The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out.
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Carol Burnett
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
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Granni Nazzano
My only hobby is laziness, which naturally rules out all others.
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Paul Harvey
In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.
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Lydia M. Child
Genius hath electric power which earth can never tame.
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