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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Silly Things People Say - 132

George Washington Carver

Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough. Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets, but I have found that when I silently commune with people they give up their secrets also - if you love them enough.


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Robert Bloch

I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.


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Ross Perot, The Dallas Morning News, March 11, 1984

There is no accountability in the public school system - except for coaches. You know what happens to a losing coach. You fire him. A losing teacher can go on losing for 30 years and then go to glory.


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Joan B. Campbell

Jesus' ministry was clearly defined, and the alternatives to the illusion and temptations of the desert were spelled out. A choice was made--life abundant, full, and free for all. Make no mistake about it, the day that choice was made, Jesus became suspect. That day in the temple he sealed the fate already prepared for him. How was the world to understand one who rejected an offer of power and control


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Randolph Silliman Bourne

No matter what we have come through, or how many perils we have safely passed, or how many imperfect and jagged - in some places perhaps irreparably - our life has been, we cannot in our heart of hearts imagine how it could have been different. As we look back on it, it slips in behind us in orderly array, and, with all its mistakes, acquires a sort of eternal fitness, and even, at times, of poetic glamour.


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Gustave Flaubert, 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said

That man has missed something who has never left a brothel at sunrise feeling like throwing himself into the river out of pure disgust.


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Thomas H. Huxley

Only a scientific people can survive in a scientific future.


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George Weiss

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.


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Lord John Whorfin

History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark.


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M. Kathleen Casey

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.


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Kahlil Gibran

Half of what I say is meaningless but I say it so that the other half may reach you.


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Sir Francis Bacon

Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books.



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