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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Things People Say - 26
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Charles Dickens
I never could have done what I have done without the habits of punctuality, order, and diligence, without the determination to concentrate myself on one subject at a time...
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Mary Queen of Scots
No more tears now; I will think about revenge.
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Charles Luckman
The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
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Glenn Dickey
The guy with the biggest stomach will be the first to take off his shirt at a baseball game.
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Alan Coren
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
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Peggy Noonan, special assistant and speech writer to Reagan, 1984-88
The battle for the mind of Ronald Reagan was like the trench warfare of World War I: never have so many fought so hard for such barren terrain.
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Latin
He alone is wise who can accommodate himself to all contingencies of life; but the fool contends, and struggling, like a swimmer, against the stream.
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Thomas Carlyle
A well-written life is almost as rare as a well-spent one.
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Scott Adams, The Dilbert Future
There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as nutty methods. Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as a complete waste of time.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.
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William Shakespeare
We are advertis'd by our loving friends.
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Francis Bacon
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence.
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