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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Things People Say - 159
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
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Johann von Goethe
The phrases that men hear or repeat continually, end by becoming convictions and ossify the organs of intelligence.
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Oscar Wilde
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.
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Matt Sorrels in reference to Andrew running X-Windows
A Multitasking Timex Sinclair
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Josh Billings
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
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Signs
Merrill One time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Amanda McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a paper cup. I turn back, and Amanda McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered.
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John Powell
The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
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Peggy Joyce
Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it.
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James Dent
Intelligence is when you spot a flaw in your boss's reasoning. Wisdom is when you refrain from pointing it out.
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Groucho Marx
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Thomas Alva Edison
Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress.
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Dagobert D. Runes
Dictators long ago found out it is easier to unite people in common hatred than common love.
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