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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Things People Say - 61

Jimmy Carter

We should live our lives as though Christ were coming this afternoon.


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Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "The Little Prince"

If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists.


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J.G. Ballard

Sleep is an eight-hour peep show of infantile erotica.


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Ivan Pavlov

Perfect as the wing of a bird may be, it will never enable the bird to fly if unsupported by the air. Facts are the air of science. Without them a man of science can never rise.


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Albert Einstein

God reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists.


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Robert McCloskey, State Department spokesman (attributed)

I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.


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David Guterson, Snow Falling on Cedars

He loved humankind dearly and with all his heart, but he disliked most human beings.


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Rachel Carson

For the sense of smell, almost more than any other, has the power to recall memories and it is a pity that you use it so little.


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Bertrand Russell

Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise.


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Daniel H. Burnham

Make no little plans they have no magic to stir men's blood...Make big plans, aim high in hope and work.


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Matthew Green (c. 1737)

Avarice is the sphincter of the heart.


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Richard J. Ferris, president, United Airlines

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.



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