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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Things People Say - 30

Oscar Wilde

Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.


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Jean Paul Richter

Only actions give life strength only moderation gives it a charm.


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Author Unknown

Some people lose their health getting wealth and then lose their wealth gaining health.


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John Erksine

In simplest terms, a leader is one who knows where he wants to go, and gets up, and goes.


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Publilius Syrus

If you refuse where you have always granted you invite to theft.


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Ralph Waldo Emerson

Insist on yourself never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation but of the adopted talent of another you have only an extemporaneous half possession... Do that which is assigned to you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.


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Isaac Asimov, Laws of Robotics from I. Robot, 1950

One, a robot may not injure a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm; Two, a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law; Three, a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.


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Jean Giraudoux

The flower is the poetry of reproduction. It is an example of the eternal seductiveness of life.


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Jose Ortega y Gasset

We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its coerciveness it is always urgent, 'here and now,' without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point-blank.


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Hammurabi

If a man destroys the eye of another man, they shall destroy his eye.


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Marabel Morgan, The Electric Woman

Persistence is the twin sister of excellence. One is a matter of quality; the other, a matter of time.


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J. Krishnamutri

When we talk about understanding, surely it takes place only when the mind listens completely-- the mind being your heart, your nerves, your ears- when you give your whole attention to it.



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