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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Things People Say - 59
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Oscar Wilde
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
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Edgard Varese
Everyone is born with genius, but most people only keep it a few minutes.
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George Orwell
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
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Thomas Paine, "The Rights of Man", 1792
A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be. Moderation in temper is always a virtue, but moderation in principle is always a vice.
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Robert Jones Burdette
There are two days in the week about which and upon which I never worry. Two carefree days, kept sacredly free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is Yesterday And the other day I do not worry about is Tomorrow.
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Ernest K. Gann, The Black Watch
If we slide into one of those rare moments of military honesty, we realize that the technical demands of modern warfare are so complex a considerable percentage of our material is bound to malfunction even before it is deployed against a foe. We no longer waste manpower by carrying the flag into battle. Instead we need battalions of electronic engineers to keep the terrible machinery grinding.
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D. H. Lawrence
I want to live my life so that my nights are not full of regrets.
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Steve Chandler
There are no optimistic or pessimistic personalities. There are only single, individual choices for optimistic or pessimistic thoughts.
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Robert Ingersoll
Any doctrine that will not bear investigation is not a fit tenant for the mind of an honest man.
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Clive Staples Lewis
It is hard to have patience with people who say 'There is no death' or 'Death doesn't matter.' There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter.
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Dr.
I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate -- it's apathy.
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Ambrose Bierce
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
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