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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Things People Say - 67
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Arthur Schopenhauer
The memory should be specially taxed in youth, since it is then that it is strongest and most tenacious. But in choosing the things that should be committed to memory the utmost care and forethought must be exercised as lessons well learnt in youth are never forgotten.
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Belle Livingstone
I looked always outside of myself to see what I could make the world give me instead of looking within myself to see what was there.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If doctors ever tell you that you've 'flipped out,' don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me 'the Man' is behind this.
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George Bernard Shaw
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
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Susan Sontag, Against Interpretation, 1966
What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.
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Dennis Miller, MCing the 1991 Emmies
I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist party.
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Henry Boye
The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway.
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John Locke
Till a man can judge whether they be truths or not, his understanding is but little improved, and thus men of much reading, though greatly learned, but may be little knowing.
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George Herbert Walker Bush
The Congress will push me to raise taxes, and I'll say no, and they'll push and I'll say no, and they'll push again. And all I can say to them is read my lips No New Taxes.
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Euripides
I care for riches, to make gifts To friends, or lead a sick man back to health With ease and plenty. Else small aid is wealth For daily gladness once a man be done With hunger, rich and poor are all as one.
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Assyrian Proverb
The hammer shatters glass but forges steel.
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Clare Booth Luce
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there.
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