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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Proverbs and Quotations - 84
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Kurt Vonnegut
Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
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Wendell Willkie, An American Programme (1944)
The constitution does not provide for first and second class citizens.
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Honore\' de Balzac
A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the open sea.
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P. J. O\'Rourke
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
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Hippocrates
There are in fact two things, science and opinion the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance.
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Mignon McLaughlin
I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.
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Groucho Marx
Women should be obscene and not heard.
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Zelda Fitzgerald, 1922
She was conscious that the things she did were the things she had always wanted to do.
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Ed Parker, Grandmaster, American Kenpo.
The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more.
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Anonymous
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
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Domitus Ulpian
Justice is the constant and perpetual will to allot to every man his due.
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John Burroughs
A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.
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