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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Proverbs and Quotations - 84

Kurt Vonnegut

Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.


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Wendell Willkie, An American Programme (1944)

The constitution does not provide for first and second class citizens.


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Honore\' de Balzac

A woman knows the face of the man she loves like a sailor knows the open sea.


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P. J. O\'Rourke

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.


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Hippocrates

There are in fact two things, science and opinion the former begets knowledge, the latter ignorance.


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Mignon McLaughlin

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.


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Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene and not heard.


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Zelda Fitzgerald, 1922

She was conscious that the things she did were the things she had always wanted to do.


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Ed Parker, Grandmaster, American Kenpo.

The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more.


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Anonymous

A magician pulls rabbits out of hats. An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.


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Domitus Ulpian

Justice is the constant and perpetual will to allot to every man his due.


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John Burroughs

A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.



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