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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Famous Sayings - 125

John Dryden

The people have a right supremeTo make their kings, for Kings are made for them.All Empire is no more than Pow'r in Trust,Which when resum'd, can be no longer just.Successionm for the general good design'd,In its own wrong a Nation cannot bind.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's the monster, sound asleep.


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Thomas Szasz

A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.


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Carl Sagan

All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value.


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Bryant Gumbel

I once read that the only way to enjoy life is to observe everything with a sense of detached amusement. I don't always do that, but it serves you well to keep it in mind.


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Harry Sanders

Sure, winning isn't everything. It's the only thing.


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Rainer Maria Rilke

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the sky.


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John Lennon

Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.


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Yoshimi Ishikawa

Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power.


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James Grover Thurber

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.


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David Riesman

The idea that men are created free and equal is both true and misleading: men are created different; they lose their social freedom and their individual autonomy in seeking to become like each other.


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Thomas Paine

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously.



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