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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Things People Say - 64
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P. B. Medawar
The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
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Michel Eyquem de Montaigne
Marriage is like a cage one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
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Peter Ustinov
I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilised music in the world.
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William Shakespeare
Oh, thou hast a damnable iteration, and art indeed able to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm upon me Hal, God forgive thee for it. Before I knew thee Hal, I knew nothing, and now am I, if a man should speak truly, little better than one of the wicked.
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Aesop
It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.
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Nicolas Martin
When a dog acts viciously we assume the reason is poor treatment and training by its owner. When a person acts criminally we look for the explanation in his brain, blood, and urine. When will psychiatrists begin testifying to the incompetence of schizophrenic pit bulls?
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Jacob A. Riis
Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.
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Epictetus
Difficulties are things that show what men are.
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Aesop
While I see many hoof marks going in, I see none coming out. It is easier to get into the enemy's toils than out again.
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Mark Twain
I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics.
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William Osler
In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs.
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Christopher Hampton
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.
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