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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Proverbs and Quotations - 96
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Ellen DeGeneres
We use 10% of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60%.
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Mark Twain
Describing her first day back in grade school after a long absence, a teacher said, It was like trying to hold 35 corks under water at the same time.
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Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven
Life is a dream from which we must wake before we can dream again.
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Mark Twain
There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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Greenday
Something unpredictable but in the end it's right, I hope you have the time of your life.
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Dick Francis, Twice Shy
Physics is the science of all the tremendously powerful invisibilities - of magnetism, electricity, gravity, light, sound, cosmic rays. Physics is the science of the mysteries of the universe. How could anyone think it dull?
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Barbara Hall
That's the secret of entertaining. You make your guests feel welcome and at home. If you do that honestly, the rest takes care of itself.
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Ronald David Laing
We have to realize that we are as deeply afraid to live and to love as we are to die.
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Jefferson Davis
The people of the States now confederated.....believed that to remain longer in the Union would subject them to continuance of a disparaging discrimination, submission to which would be inconsistent with their welfare, and intolerable to a proud people. They therefore determined to sever its bounds and established a new Confederacy for themselves.
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Bhagavad Gita
Action is the product of the Qualities inherent in Nature.
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Lily Tomlin
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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Napolean Hill
If you must speak ill of another, do not speak it . . . write it in the sand near the water's edge.
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