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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Proverbs and Quotations - 186
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William Shakespeare
God bless thee; and put meekness in thy mind, love, charity, obedience, and true duty!
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John Barrymore
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
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Sigmund Freud
The more the fruits of knowledge become accessible to men, the more widespread is the decline of religious belief.
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Abraham Lincoln
Whatever you are, be a good one.
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Aesop
The gods help them that help themselves.
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Spider-Man
Green Goblin We are who we choose to be... now, CHOOSE.
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Bud Abbott
Abbott Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third. Costello That's what I want to find out.
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Irving Kristol
People need religion. It's a vehicle for a moral tradition. A crucial role. Nothing can take its place.
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H. L. Mencken
...no man of genuinely superior intelligence has ever been an actor. Even supposing a young man of appreciable mental powers to be lured upon the stage, as philosophers are occasionally lured into bordellos, his mind would be inevitably and almost immediately destroyed by the gaudy nonsense issuing from his mouth every night.
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Francis Bacon
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
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Martin Luther King, Jr.
The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
What a searching preacher of self-command is the varying phenomenon of health.
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