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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Things People Say - 129

Winston Spencer Churchill

The truth is so precious that she must be surrounded by a bodyguard of lies.


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Unknown

Offensiveness is a necessary consequence of opinions strongly held and openly expressed, and free societies should treasure and protect it. An idea that offends no one is not worth entertaining.


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Thomas Carlyle

If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it.


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Alfred North Whitehead

Religion is what a person does in his solitariness.


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Jules Renard

A cold in the head cause less suffering than an idea.


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Albert Camus

There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.


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Kurt Lewin

If you want truly to understand something, try to change it.


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John A. Field

I have been both rich and poor--while I have respect for both, I am unimpressed and unawed by both as well.


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George Jessel

The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.


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Elbert Hubbard

If you suffer, thank God It is a sure sign that you are alive.


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Sharon Gold

Throw out an alarming alarm clock. If the ring is loud and strident, you're waking up to instant stress. You shouldn't be bullied out of bed, just reminded that it's time to start your day.


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Anonymous

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.



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