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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Things People Say - 100

Bernard M. Baruch

If you have made a mistake, cut your losses as quickly as possible.


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Leonard I. Sweet

The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create.


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George Bernard Shaw

The 100% American is 99% an idiot.


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Scott Westerfeld, Peeps, 2005

The human heart is a strange vessel. Love and hatred can exist side by side.


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Marian Anderson

No matter how big a nation is, it is no stronger that its weakest people, and as long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you might otherwise.


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Joe Moore

Marriage love, honor, and negotiate.


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Benjamin Nnamdi Azikiwe

Ours is a country built more on people than on territory. The Jews will come from everywhere from France, from Russia, from America, from Yemen. ... Their faith is their passport.


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Unknown

Bank on a life, saving towards the certainty of change Ledger all the happiness, pencil in to rearrange Withdraw all the worry Deposit all the faith Compound all the experience and Recognize when the payment is late.


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The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII

A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times.


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Thomas Edison

Faith, as well intentioned as it may be, must be built on facts, not fiction--faith in fiction is a damnable false hope.


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Michael Korda

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.


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Cleobulus

Safeguard the health both of body and soul.



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