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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Clever Things People Say - 128
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Erma Bombeck
We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
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Michael Friedman
The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.
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Ulysses S. Grant
The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving.
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Aleister Crowley
Existence, as we know it, is full of sorrow. To mention only one minor point every man is a condemned criminal, only he does not know the date of his execution. This is unpleasant for every man. Consequently every man does everything possible to postpone the date, and would sacrifice anything that he has if he could reverse the sentence. Practically all religions and all philosophies have started thus crudely, by promising their adherents some such reward as immortality. No religion has failed hitherto by not promising enough the present breaking up of all religions is due to the fact that people have asked to see the securities. Men have even renounced the important material advantages which a well-organized religion may confer upon a State, rather than acquiesce in fraud or falsehood, or even in any system which, if not proved guilty, is at least unable to demonstrate its innocence. Being more or less bankrupt, the best thing that we can do is to attack the problem afresh without preconceived ideas. Let us begin by doubting every statement. Let us find a way of subjecting every statement to the test of experiment. Is there any truth at all in the claims of various religions Let us examine the question.
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Baltasar Gracian
Put yourself on view. This brings your talents to light.
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Walter Landor
My thoughts are my company; I can bring them together, select them, detain them, dismiss them.
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Christina Stead
If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
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Napoleon Bonaparte
The surest way to remain poor is to be honest.
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H.L. Mencken
JUDGE, n A law student who marks his own papers.
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Peter Ustinov
Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.
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Abbie Hoffman, Steal This Urine Test
Understand that legal and illegal are political, and often arbitrary, categorizations; use and abuse are medical, or clinical, distinctions.
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John Dingell
If I were to select a jack-booted group of fascists who are perhaps as large a danger to American society as I could pick today, I would pick BATF.
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