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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Proverbs and Quotations - 104

Elaine Dundy

The question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again night after night, but God knows the answer to that is , don't we all anyway might as well get paid for it.


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Eric Hoffer

Our credulity is greatest concerning the things we know least about. And since we know least about ourselves, we are ready to believe all that is said about us. Hence the mysterious power of both flattery and calumny.


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Douglas Adams

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.


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Cesar Chavez, letter

Kindness and compassion toward all living things is a mark of a civilized society. Conversely, cruelty, whether it is directed against human beings or against animals, is not the exclusive province of any one culture or community of people. Racism, economic deprival, dog fighting and cock fighting, bull fighting and rodeos are cut from the same fabric: violence. Only when we have become nonviolent toward all life will we have learned to live well ourselves.


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Bill Chickering

Anger is a very appropriate and necessary response to an injustice. But stand back now the truth, clearly spoken, is always your best weapon. Calmly spoken, it can burn a hole through the hardest heart.


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F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Crack-Up" (1936)

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.


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Eric Pio

Madonna is just a hooker that doesn't get paid.


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John F. Kennedy

The quality of American life must keep pace with the quantity of American goods. This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.


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Lynn Johnston

The most profound statements are often said in silence.


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Unknown

Give, and forget Receive, and remember


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Benjamin Franklin

To lengthen thy Life, lessen thy meals


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Edmund Burke

Government is a contrivance of human wisdom to provide for human wants. Men have right that these wants should be provided for, including the want of a sufficient restraint upon their passions.



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