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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Famous People Sayings - 199
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Virgil
As a twig is bent the tree inclines.
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Adrienne E. Gusoff
Things could always be worse for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.
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Bertrand Russell
If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence.
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Virginia Woolf, Diary, 17 February 1922
I meant to write about death, only life came breaking in as usual.
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Nancy Newhall
Conservation is humanity caring for the future.
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Francois De La Rochefoucauld
Nothing is less sincere than our mode of asking and giving advice. He who asks seems to have a deference for the opinion of his friend, while he only aims to get approval of his own and make his friend responsible for his action. And he who gives advice repays the confidence supposed to be placed in him by a seemingly disinterested zeal, while he seldom means anything by his advice but his own interest or reputation.
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John Stuart Mill
If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind.
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Albert Einstein, (attributed)
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler.
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John Norley
All things are difficult before they are easy.
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Michael Jordon
Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
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Happy Gilmore
Happy You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.
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C. Mather
Our opportunities to do good are our talents.
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