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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Things People Say - 151
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Vince Lombardi
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later the man who wins, is the man who thinks he can.
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Oscar Wilde
Truth, in the matters of religion, is simply the opinion that has survived.
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Alexander Pope
Let me tell you I am better acquainted with you for a long absence, as men are with themselves for a long affliction absence does but hold off a friend, to make one see him the truer.
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Olga Brouman
She who loves roses must be patient and not cry out when she is pierced by thorns.
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Author Unknown
The guilty catch themselves.
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Henry Ward Beecher
We not only live among men, but there are airy hosts, blessed spectators, sympathetic lookers-on, that see and know and appreciate our thoughts and feelings and acts.
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Real Live Preacher
You can pray for someone even if you dont think God exists.
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Albert Einstein
Those people have seen something. What it is I do not know and I can not care to know. (on flying saucers)
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The Talmud
Never expose yourself unnecessarily to danger; a miracle may not save you...and if it does, it will be deducted from your share of luck or merit.
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Francois de La Rochefoucauld
It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability.
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Franklin D. Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1933
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
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Mark Twain
Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.
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