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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Things People Say - 111

Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev

However much you knock at nature's door, she will never answer you in comprehensible words.


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B. A. Billingsly

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.


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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A noble person attracts noble people, and knows how to hold on to them.


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Orson Welles

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.


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George Santayana, "The German Mind: A Philosophical Diagnosis"

Our character...is an omen of our destiny, and the more integrity we have and keep, the simpler and nobler that destiny is likely to be.


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H.L. Mencken

For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution and it is always wrong


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Niels Bohr

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.


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Robert Francis Kennedy

You can't make war in the Middle East without Egypt and you can't make peace without Syria.


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Lenny Bruce

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.


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Jonathan Swift

One of the best rules in conversation is, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid.


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Russian proverb

It is not the horse that draws the cart, but the oats.


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Wilson Mizner

When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism but when you take it from many writers, it's research.



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