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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Things People Say - 147
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Benjamin Franklin
If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting.
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Benjamin Franklin
If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing.
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E. B. White
If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
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Sallust
It is the nature of ambition to make men liars and cheats, to hide the truth in their breasts, and show, like jugglers, another thing in their mouths, to cut all friendships and enmities to the measure of their own interest, and to make a good countenance without the help of good will.
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Nikita Khrushchev
If you live among dogs, keep a stick. After all, this is what a hound has teeth for-to bite when he feels like it (On military preparedness)
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R. Stevens, Diesel Sweeties, 08-16-05
Wasting sarcasm is a sin.
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Hannah Nixon
You have gone far and we are proud of you always. I know that you will keep your relationship with your Maker as it should be, for after all, that, as you must know, is the most important thing in this life.
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Stephen Butler Leacock
I am a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
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Jesse Lair
If you want something very, very badly, let it go free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.
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Scott Adams, The Dilbert Future
Men want sex. If men ruled the world, they could get sex anywhere, anytime. Restaurants would give you sex instead of breath mints on the way out. Gas stations would give sex with every fill-up. Banks would give sex to anyone who opened a checking account.
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Thomas Jefferson, (Notes on Virginia, 1782)
Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong.
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Simone Weil
Misfortunes leave wounds which bleed drop by drop even in sleep thus little by little they train man by force and dispose him to wisdom in spite of himself. Man must learn to think of himself as a limited and dependent being and only suffering teaches him this.
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