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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Things People Say - 99
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Mrs. Sigourney
In early childhood you may lay the foundation of poverty or riches, industry of idleness, good or evil, by the habits to which you train your children. Teach them right habits then, and their future life is safe.
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Philipus Aureolus Paracelsus
Thoughts give birth to a creative force that is neither elemental nor sidereal. Thoughts create a new heaven, a new firmament, a new source of energy, from which new arts flow. When a man undertakes to create something, he establishes a new heaven, as it were and from it the work that he desires to create flows into him. For such is the immensity of man that he is greater than heaven and earth.
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Jean Cocteau, Journey to Freedom (1969)
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head.
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David P. Mikkelson, snopes.com, September 8, 2003
Perhaps better we not obscure the idea that happiness and misery, kindness and greed, and good works and bad deeds are within the capacities of us all, not merely a select few.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
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Harper Lee, spoken by character Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.
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Aldous Huxley
It is the customary fate of new truths to begin as heresies and to end as superstitions.
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Unknown
A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.
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Ann Landers
Class has a sense of humor. It knows that a good laugh is the best lubricant for oiling the machinery of human relations. Class never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from past mistakes. Class bespeaks an aristocracy unrelated to ancestors or money. Some extremely wealthy people have no class at all, while others who are struggling to make ends meet are loaded with it. Class is real. You can't fake it. Class never tries to build itself up by tearing others down. Class is already up and need not attempt to look better by making others look worse. Everyone is comfortable with the person who has class because he is comfortable with himself. If you have class, you've got it made. If you don't have class, no matter what else you have, it won't make up for it.
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Josh Billings
There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them.
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Michel de Montaigne
It is easier to write an indifferent poem than to understand a good one.
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Eleanor H. Porter
It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it
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