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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Proverbs and Quotations - 145
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William Blake
I myself do nothing. The Holy Spirit accomplishes all through me.
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Oscar Wilde, The Model Millionaire, 1912
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
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Bertrand Russell
There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
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Anne Bronte, Agnes Grey
And then, the unspeakable purity and freshness of the air! There was just enough heat to enhance the value of the breeze, and just enough wind to keep the whole sea in motion, to make the waves come bounding to the shore, foaming and sparkling, as if wild with glee.
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Carl Sagan
The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.
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John Whitehead
The people of the South have rejected the constitutional amendment, and therefore we will march upon them and force them to adopt it at the point of the bayonet, and establish military power over them until they do adopt it.
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
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Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughter-House 5
You know what I say to people when I hear they’re writing an anti-war book?… I say, why don’t you write an anti-glacier book instead? What he meant, of course, was that there would always be wars, that they were as easy to stop as glaciers. I believe that, too.
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Mark Twain
October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Others are July, January, April, September, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.
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Joel Hawes
Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself.
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William Shenstone
A liar begins with making falsehood appear like truth, and ends with making truth itself appear like falsehood.
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Jean Kerr
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
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