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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Proverbs and Quotations - 81
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Abraham Lincoln
All my life I have tried to pluck a thistle and plant a flower wherever the flower would grow in thought and mind.
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Lois McMaster Bujold
Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart.
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Arnold Bennett
And yet,' demanded Councilor Barlow, 'what's he done Has he ever done a day's work in his life What great cause is he identified with' 'He's identified,' said the first speaker, 'with the great cause of cheering us all up.'
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Joseph Brodsky
For aesthetics is the mother of ethics. Were we to choose our leaders on the basis of their reading experience and not their political programs, there would be much less grief on earth. I believe-not empirically, alas, but only theoretically-that for someone who has read a lot of Dickens to shoot his like in the name of an idea is harder than for someone who has read no Dickens.
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Oscar Wilde
It is only about things that do not interest one that one can give really unbiased opinions, which is no doubt the reason why an unbiased opinion is always valueless.
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Max Beerbohm
Nobody ever died of laughter.
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J. R. R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Valour needs first strength, then a weapon.
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Swedish Proverb
Those who wish to sing always find a song.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
The old-timers around here still shake their heads and chuckle about that city slicker who came through, trying to peddle 'hair restorer.' He took everyone's money in a poker game, so when he tried to sell the bottles of hair restorer, nobody had any money left to buy it
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Dan Quayle
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.
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Ambrose Bierce
Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
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Joseph Addison
Books are the legacies that a great genius leaves to mankind, which are delivered down from generation to generation as presents to the posterity of those who are yet unborn.
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