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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Things People Say - 135
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John Steinbeck, East of Eden
When a man comes to die, no matter what his talents and influence, and genius, if he dies unloved his life must be a failure to him and dying a cold horror. It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure to the world.
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Albert Einstein
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
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Marlene Dietrich
In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.
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Marcus Valerius Martialis
Why do strong arms fatigue themselves with frivolous dumbbells To dig a vineyard is worthier exercise for men.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
Proverbs are the literature of reason, or the statements of absolute truth, without qualification. Like the sacred books of each nation, they are the sanctuary of its intuitions.
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Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons
I do not like this word bomb. It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.
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Cecil John Rhodes (Founder of the Rhodes Scholarships), last words, 1902.
So little done--so much to do.
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Thomas Carlyle
Happy the people whose annals are blank in the history books
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Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Andrew Grove, Co-founder and Chairman of Intel Corporation, Only the Paranoid Survive
The sad news is, nobody owes you a career. Your career is literally your business. You own it as a sole proprietor. You have one employee: yourself. You need to accept ownership of your career, your skills and the timing of your moves.
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George Herbert Walker Bush
The notion of political correctness . declares certain topics. certain expressions . even certain gestures off-limits. What began as a crusade for civility has soured into a cause of conflict and even censorship.
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John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
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