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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humour Proverbs and Quotations - 184
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Gyles Lytton Sitrachy
Perhaps of all the creations of man, language is the most astonishing.
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Robert G. Ingersoll
In nature there are neither rewards nor punishment - there are consequences.
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Calvin Trillin
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
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Woody Allen
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
Let not a man guard his dignity, but let his dignity guard him.
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Chuang-tzu
Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words.
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Robert Charles Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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John Brown
Be mild with the mild, shrewd with the crafty, confiding to the honest, rough to the ruffian, and a thunderbolt to the liar. But in all this, never be unmindful of your own dignity.
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Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
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Anne Frank, from the diary of Anne Frank
In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.
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Jerry Lewis
When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.'
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Tom Stoppard
The truth is always a compound of two half- truths, and you never reach it, because there is always something more to say.
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