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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Silly Proverbs and Quotations - 92
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Tom Lehrer
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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James M. Barrie
The secret of happiness in not in what one likes to do, but in what one has to do.
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Eloise Salholz
Living up to basic ethical standards in the classroom-discipline, tolerance, honesty-is one of the most important ways children learn how to function in society at large.
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Joseph T. Chew
Expecting a carjacker or rapist or drug pusher to care that his possession or use of a gun is unlawful is like expecting a terrorist to care that his car bomb is taking up two parking spaces.
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James Rodges, a murderer, on his final request before the firing squad
Why yes - a bulletproof vest.
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Jane Austen
Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?
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Honore\' de Balzac
He has great tranquility of heart who cares neither for the praises nor the fault-finding of men.
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Marcus Tullius Cicero
The countenance is the portrait of the soul, and the eyes mark its intentions.
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Anatole France
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
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G. M. Trevelyan
Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.
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Laura Ingalls Wilder
It is the simple things in life that make living worthwhile - sweet fundamental things such as love.
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