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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Proverbs and Quotations - 191
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Richard Milhous Nixon
I brought myself down. I impeached myself by resigning.
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Douglas Noel Adams
If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.
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O.G. Sutton
A technique succeeds in mathematical physics, not by a clever trick, or a happy accident, but because it expresses some aspect of a physical truth.
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Comte de Buffon
Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on hold fast hold out. Patience is genius.
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Henry Louis Mencken
Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.
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Herman Melville
There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes the whole universe for a vast practical joke.
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Frederick Sherwood Dunn
Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice only the willingness to make it when necessary.
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James F. Byrnes
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.
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Vaclav Havel
The truth is not simply what you think it is; it is also the circumstances in which it is said, and to whom, why and how it is said.
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William Shakespeare
You cram these words into mine ears against the stomach of my sense.
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Flora Edwards
In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.
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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
There was something awesome in the thought of the solitary mortal standing by the open window and summoning in from the gloom outside the spirits of the nether world.
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