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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funny Proverbs and Quotations - 191

Richard Milhous Nixon

I brought myself down. I impeached myself by resigning.


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Douglas Noel Adams

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.


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O.G. Sutton

A technique succeeds in mathematical physics, not by a clever trick, or a happy accident, but because it expresses some aspect of a physical truth.


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Comte de Buffon

Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on hold fast hold out. Patience is genius.


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Henry Louis Mencken

Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.


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Herman Melville

There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes the whole universe for a vast practical joke.


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Frederick Sherwood Dunn

Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice only the willingness to make it when necessary.


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James F. Byrnes

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.


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Vaclav Havel

The truth is not simply what you think it is; it is also the circumstances in which it is said, and to whom, why and how it is said.


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William Shakespeare

You cram these words into mine ears against the stomach of my sense.


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Flora Edwards

In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.


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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

There was something awesome in the thought of the solitary mortal standing by the open window and summoning in from the gloom outside the spirits of the nether world.



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