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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Things People Say - 120
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John Barrymore
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
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Elizabeth II
I myself prefer my New Zealand eggs for breakfast. (After she was pelted with eggs during a walkabout on New Zealand visit)
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Lee Iacocca
My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
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Elbert Hubbard
In these days, a man who says a thing cannot be done is quite apt to be interrupted by some idiot doing it.
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Sri Madhava
Freedom, then, lies only in our innate human capacity to choose between different sorts of bondage, bondage to desire or self esteem, or bondage to the light that lightens all our lives.
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Lao Tse, In a discussion with Confucious about the true nature of humanity.
Give up your relentless moralizing, the continual pinpricks which pierce the skin of your fellows. The distinction between good and evil is the sickness of the mind. Give up your morals, and the people will regain a love of their fellows.
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Henry David Thoreau
When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.
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Thomas Paine, "The American Crisis"
What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value.
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Robert Louis Stevenson
To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.
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Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
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Julie-Jeanne-Eleonore de Lespinasse
If you can attain repose and calm, believe that you have seized happiness.
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Napoleon Bonaparte
Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.
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