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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Things People Say - 86
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Al Capone
I don't even know what street Canada is on.
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Jean de La Bruyere
We must laugh before we are happy, for fear we die before we laugh at all.
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Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
Whatever is in any way beautiful hath its source of beauty in itself, and is complete in itself praise forms no part of it. So it is none the worse nor the better for being praised.
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John L. Casteel
One of the self-authenticating truths which we come at last to acknowledge is this strange fact that we know that for the evil in our lives we ourselves are responsible, but for the good God alone deserves the praise.
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Bertrand Russell
There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
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William Hazlitt
Fashon is the abortive issue of vain ostentation and exclusive egotism it is haughty, trifling, affected, servile, despotic, mean and ambitious, precise and fantastical, all in a breath -- tied to no rule, and bound to conform to every whim of the minute.
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Benjamin Franklin
If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
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Albert Einstein
Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
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Stanislaw J. Lec
Never lie when the truth is more profitable.
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W. Somerset Maugham
When I was young I had an elderly friend who used often to ask me to stay with him in the country. He was a religious man and he read prayers to the assembled household every morning. But he had crossed out in pencil all the passages that praised God. He said that there was nothing so vulgar as to praise people to their faces and, himself a gentleman, he could not believe that God was so ungentlemanly as to like it.
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Robert A. Heinlein
A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vainthen have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system
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Mary McCarthy
We all live in suspense from day to day In other words, you are the hero of your own story.
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