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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funny Things People Say - 191
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Bertrand Russell
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.
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Gilbert Keith Chesterton
The soul goes round upon a wheel of stars and all things return....Good and evil go round in a wheel that is one thing and not many. Do you not realise in your heart, do you not believe behind all your beliefs, that there is but one reality and we are its shadows and that all things are but aspects of one thing a centre where men melt into Man and Man into God 'No,' said Father Brown.
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Amos Bronson Alcott
Civilization degrades the many to exalt the few.
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H.L. Mencken
Misogynist A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
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Tyron Edwards
Most of our censure of others is only oblique praise of self, uttered to show the wisdom and superiority of the speaker. It has all the insidiousness of self-praise, and all the ill-desert of falsehood.
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Aaron Burr
Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow. Delay may give clearer light as to what is best to be done.
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Jack Trice
The honor of my race, family and self is at stake. Everyone is expecting me to do big things. I will. My whole body and soul are to be thrown recklessly about the field. Every time the ball is snapped, I will be trying to do more than my part...Fight low, with your eyes open and toward the play. Watch out for crossbucks and reverse end runs. Be on your toes every minute if you expect to make good. Jack.
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Baltasar Gracian
All that really belongs to us is time even he who has nothing else has that.
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Jerry Coleman
Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues.
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William Hazlitt
Prosperity is a great teacher adversity a greater.
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Airplane
Captain Oveur Joey, do you like movies about gladiators
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Thomas Jefferson
The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time.
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