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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Amusing Things People Say - 17

Euripides, Alcestis, 438 B.C.

Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.


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Edgar Watson Howe

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.


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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary


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Norman Mailer

Sentimentality is the emotional promiscuity of those who have no sentiment.


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Mark Twain

We all have thoughts that would shame the devil.


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Mark Twain

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.


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Colley Cibber, The Double Gallant, Prologue

Old houses mended, Cost little less than new before they ’re ended.


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T. Starr King

The spirit of a person's life is ever shedding some power, just as a flower is steadily bestowing fragrance upon the air.


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Arthur McNallan

Cliques are groups, groups are great, great are cliques of people.


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Henry David Thoreau

However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are the richest.


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Swedish Proverb

God gives every bird his worm, but he does not throw it into the nest.


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Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM in 1943

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.



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