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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humour Things People Say - 44

Oprah Winfrey

Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.


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Robert Oxton Bolt

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.


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Helen Keller

Is there anything worse than being blind? Yes, a man with sight and no vision.


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George Santayana, Winds of Doctrine (1913) ch. 2

For an idea ever to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.


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Roger Lewin

Too often we give our children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.


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Douglas Adams

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.


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William Shakespeare

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.


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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Talk not of wasted affection, affection never was wasted, If it enrich not the heart of another, its waters returning
Back to their springs, like the rain shall fill them full of refreshment;
That which the fountain sends forth returns again to the fountain.


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Aristotle

All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire.


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George Bernard Shaw

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.


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Andrew Schneider

Continuous unremitting darkness has been known to send some people into an emotional tailspin, so the management here at KBHR radio suggests locking away the firearms. The desire to stick that 45 between the teeth can get pretty strong at times, so why invite temptation.


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Erich Fromm

A new question has arisen in modern man's mind, the question, namely, whether life is worth living...No sensible answer can be given to the question...because the question does not make any sense.



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