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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Amusing Quotations from Famous People - 87
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Danish proverb
One drink is just right two is too many three are too few.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, 'Think again, bat man.'
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Steven Wright
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
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Sir Eric Ashby
The engineer is the key figure in the material progress of the world. It is his engineering that makes a reality of the potential value of science by translating scientific knowledge into tools, resources, energy and labor to bring them into the service of man ... To make contributions of this kind the engineer requires the imagination to visualize the needs of society and to appreciate what is possible as well as the technological and broad social age understanding to bring his vision to reality.
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Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
A woman who thinks she is intelligent demands the same rights as man. An intelligent woman gives up.
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Susan Sontag
AIDS occupies such a large part in our awareness because of what it has been taken to represent. It seems the very model of all the catastrophes privileged populations feel await them.
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Margaret Atwod
We thought we were running away from the grown-ups, and now we are the grown-ups.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
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Errol Flynn
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
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W. N. Taylor
Temptation rarely comes in working hours. It is in their leisure time that men are made or marred.
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Josephine Hart, "Sin"
We are here to add to the sum of human goodness. To prove the thing exists. And however futile each individual act of courage or generosity, self-sacrifice or grace-it still proves the thing exists. Each act adds to the fund. It needs replenishment. Not only because evil flourishes, and is, most indefensibly, defended. But because goodness is no longer a respectable aim in life. The hound of hell, envy, has driven it from the house.
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Henry Kissinger
The conventional army loses if it does not win. The guerrilla wins if he does not lose.
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