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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Clever Quotations from Famous People - 98

W. E. B. Du Bois, last message to the world, 1957

Believe in life! Always human beings will live and progress to greater, broader and fuller life.


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Voltaire

Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.


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Robert Burton

Penny wise, pound foolish.


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Norman Thomas

If you want a symbolic gesture, don't burn the flag wash it.


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Moses Ben Maimon Maimonides

You must accept the truth from whatever source it comes.


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Edmund Burke

All government -- indeed, every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue and every prudent act -- is founded on compromise and barter.


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Peter De Vries, Comfort me with Apples (1956)

I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any.


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The Residents "Duck Stab":Bach is Dead

Walking women want to see the southern cross at night And so they set aside a sock, and tie their laces tight Yes mournful is the melody that echoes in their heads Without a beat they march along, believing Bach is dead.


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Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", Chapter 2

He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.


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Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.


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Mark Twain

If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.


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Ellen Glasgow

No life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it.



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