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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Quotations - 136
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Oprah Winfrey
I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time.
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Reinhold Niebuhr, Rockford (IL) Register Star newspaper
Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope.
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Cornelius Stam
The salvation of the lost is not best accomplished by great popular campaigns, conducted by a small minority of specialists in public evangelism, but by the godly, honest witness of believers individually. It is pure irresponsibility to leave the evangelization of the lost to the 'experts,' as many are doing today. God would have every believer do his part to win the lost to Christ by prayer, personal witness and sincere godliness.
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Jimmy Buffett
We are the people our parents warned us about.
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Lyndon B. Johnson
All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it.
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Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
I meant, said Ipslore bitterly, what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile? Death thought about it.
Cats, he said eventually. Cats are nice.
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Confucius
When a man's knowledge is sufficient to attain, and his virtue is not sufficient to enable him to hold, whatever he may have gained, he will lose again.
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Francis Bacon
It is a secret both in nature and state, that it is safer to change many things than one.
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Rosalynn Carter
A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go but ought to be.
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Jean-Paul Sartre
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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Claude Levi-Strauss
The world began without man, and it will complete itself without him.
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Nancy Thayer
It's never too late, in fiction or in life, to revise.
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