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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Quotations - 179
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Quentin Crisp
Even holligans marry, though they know that marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever.
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Jeff Melvoin
You think Nature is some Disney movie Nature is a killer. Nature is a bitch. It's feeding time out there 24 hours a day, every step that you take is a gamble with death. If it isn't getting hit with lightning today, it's an earthquake tomorrow or some deer tick carrying Lime disease. Either way, you're ending up on the wrong end of the food chain.
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John Erksine, The Complete Life
In simplest terms, a leader is one who knows where he wants to go, and gets up, and goes.
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Dr. Laurence J. Peter
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
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Peter Ustinov, Dear Me (1977)
Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.
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Chinese Proverb
If you get up one more time than you fall you will make it through.
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Albert Einstein, (attributed)
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
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Jalal ud-Din Rumi
I tried to find Him on the Christian cross, but He was not there I went to the Temple of the Hindus and to the old pagodas, but I could not find a trace of Him anywhere. I searched on the mountains and in the valleys but neither in the heights nor in the depths was I able to find Him. I went to the Caaba in Mecca, but He was not there either. I questioned the scholars and philosophers but He was beyond their understanding. I then looked into my heart and it was there where He dwelled that I saw Him He was nowhere else to be found.
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Gurdjieff
If a sufficient number of people who wanted to stop war really did gather together, they would first of all begin by making war upon those who disagreed with them. And it is still more certain that they would make war on people who also want to stop wars but in another way.
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Sir Winston Churchill
We shall show mercy, but we shall not ask for it.
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C. S. Forester, Commodore Hornblower
The lucky man is he who knows how much to leave to chance.
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Francois de La Rochefoucauld, Reflexions ou Sentences et Maximes Morales
The man whom no one pleases is much more unhappy than the man who pleases no one.
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