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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Very Funny Random Quotations - 90

William Shakespeare, "Much Ado about Nothing", Act 2 scene 1

Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love:
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent.


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John Kenneth Galbraith

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.


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John A. Dix

If anyone attempts to hall down the American flag shoot him on the spot.


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Dave Barry

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.


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Henry Miller

In this age, which believes that there is a short cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way is, in the long run, the easiest.


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Vernon Howard

You have succeeded in life when all you really want is only what you really need.


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Oscar Wilde

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.


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Unknown

To believe God is a Privilege, To doubt God is an insult.


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Charles Caleb Colton

We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine but if we defer tasting them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age.


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Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume and at least a pint of ether.


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Frederick L Collins

There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'


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Alfred Hitchcock

Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.



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