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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Quotations - 166
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Happy Gilmore
Happy The price is wrong, bitch.
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Adam R. Gwizdala
Life goes through changes so fast, you think your life is great, than one of your best friends dies. Then you think you found someone you truly love, only to figure out, she doesn't love you back. You cry and cry and cry, but nothing changes. You realize, that you must accept things for what they are, and what they have made you become.Everything in life changes you in some way. Even the smallest things. If you do not accept these changes, you do not accept yourself. For through these changes brings new and greater things to you, making you wiser, as time progresses. To avoid these changes is a loss. You only live your life once. Do not waste a minute of it avoiding things. Let them come to you, and learn from them. There's always tomorrow.
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
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Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1856)
The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret.
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Saying Folk
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
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Gabriel Garcia Marquez, from "Love in the Time of Cholera"
...they no longer felt like newlyweds, and even less like belated lovers. It was as if they had lept over the arduous calvary of conjugal life and gone straight to the heart of love. They were together in silence like an old married couple wary of life, beyond the pitfalls of passion, beyond the brutal mockery of hope and the phantoms of disillusion: beyond love. For they had lived together long enough to know that love was always love, anytime and anyplace, but it was more solid the closer it came to death.
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Miguel de Cervantes
When the head aches, all the members partake of the pain.
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J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King, Chapter 1
The Darkness has begun. There will be no dawn.
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Carl Jung
The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
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Oscar Wilde
The proper basis for marriage is a mutual misunderstanding.
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Rudyard Kipling, As Easy as A.B.C. (1917)
Once there was The People - Terror gave it birth; Once there was The People, and it made a hell of earth!
Earth arose and crushed it. Listen, oh, ye slain!
Once there was The People - it shall never be again!
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Indian Proverb
Keep five yards from a carriage, ten yards from a horse, and a hundred yards from an elephant; but the distance one should keep from a wicked man cannot be measured.
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