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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Sarcastic Random Short Quotations - 106
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Molière, Le Dépit Amoureux (1656)
One dies only once, and then for such a long time!
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George Carlin
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
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William Hutton
The charity that hastens to proclaim its good deeds, ceases to be charity, and is only pride and ostentation.
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Alan Marshall Beck
A boy is a magical creature you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can't get him out of your mind. Might as well give up he is your captor, your jailer, your boss and your master a freckled-faced, pint-sized, cat-chasing bundle of noise. But when you come home at night with only the shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams, he can mend them like new with two magic words Hi, Dad
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General Omar Nelson Bradley
Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner.
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Samuel Johnson
A man of genius has been seldom ruined but by himself.
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Margaret Cho
Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.
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Charles M. Schulz
I know the answer The answer lies within the heart of all mankind The answer is twelve I think I'm in the wrong building.
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Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness, 1964
The Argument from Intimidation is a confession of intellectual impotence.
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Ross MacDonald
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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Morley Saefer
Parents like the idea of kids, they just don't like their kids.
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Unknown
Life is like an onion. You peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
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