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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Humorous Random Quotations - 185
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R. E. Phillips
It is all right if you talk to yourself. It is all right if you answer yourself. But when you start disagreeing with the answers, you've got a problem.
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Robert Byrne
Doing a thing well is often a waste of time.
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Confucius
If we don't know life, how can we know death
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Sylvia Plath
What did my hands do before they held you?
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Sir Walter Scott
And come he slow, or come he fast, It is but death who comes at last.
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William Feather
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
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Sir Winston Churchill
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill- designed for the purpose.
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Robert Montgomery
If you achieve success, you will get applause, and if you get applause, you will hear it. My advice to you concerning applause is this; enjoy it but never quite believe it.
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Johann von Goethe
No one would talk much in society, if he knew how often he misunderstood others.
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Fred Allen
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
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Ogden Nash, "Reflections on Ice-Breaking"
Candy Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
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Nathan Hale
I regret that I have but one life to give for my country.
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