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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Humorous Random Quotations - 155

John Updike

Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them.


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Danish proverb

A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.


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Horace Rumpole

There's no pleasure on earth that's worth sacrificing for the sake of an extra five years in the geriatric ward of the Sunset Old People's Home, Weston-Super-Mare.


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H. L. Mencken

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.


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Shakti Gawain

We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other peoples' models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open.


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George W. Bush, State of the Union address, January 20, 2004

I believe that God has planted in every human heart the desire to live in freedom. And even when that desire is crushed by tyranny for decades, it will rise again.


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Yiddish Proverb

Small children disturb your sleep, big children your life.


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Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill

The maxim of the British people is 'Business as Usual.'


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Jeff Melvoin

You're confusing product with process. Most people, when they criticize, whether they like it or hate it, they're talking about product. That's not art, that's the result of art. Art, to whatever degree we can get a handle on (I'm not sure that we really can) is a process. It begins in the heart and the mind with the eyes and hands.


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Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We should often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood our motives.


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H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another


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anonymous, Letter to the Editor, The Advocate

Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons.



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