Jack Handey Deep Thoughts

It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.

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James Grover Thurber

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

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Alison Lurie

We can lie in the language of dress or try ot tell the truth; but unless we are naked and bald, it is impossible to be silent.

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Denise Caruso

It shouldn't be too much of a surprise that the Internet has evolved into a force strong enough to reflect the greatest hopes and fears of those who use it. After all, it was designed to withstand nuclear war, not just the puny huffs and puffs of politicians and religious fanatics.

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James F. Byrnes

Friendship without self-interest is one of the rare and beautiful things of life.

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Martin Routh

You will find it a very good practice always to verify your references sir.

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Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.

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CaddyShack

Spalding Smails This is good stuff. I got it from a Negro. You're probably high already and you don't even know it.

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Socrates

Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.

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Quentin Crisp

To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody.

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George Bernard Shaw

A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.

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Anonymous

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

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