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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Funniest Random Quotations - 199
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Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Oscar Fingall O\'Flahertie Wills Wilde
Punctuality is the thief of time.
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Martin Gore
When I write love songs, people think they're really soppy -- but I see love as a consolation for the boredom of life.
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Robert E. Lee
You must be careful how you walk, and where you go, for there are those following you who will set their feet where yours are set.
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Henry Miller
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. . .The other eight are unimportant.
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American Indian Proverb
What the people believe is true. Anishinabe
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George Santayana
Friends need not agree in everything or go always together, or have no comparable other friendships of the same intimacy. On the contrary, in friendship union is more about ideal things: and in that sense it is more ideal and less subject to trouble than marriage is.
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Matthew Prior
They always talk who never think.
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H. L. Mencken
Wife: a former sweetheart.
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Hunter S Thompson
A word to the wise is infuriating.
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Sophocles, Antigone
For God hates utterly The bray of bragging tongues.
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Joseph Farrell
If you go in for argument, take care of your temper. Your logic, if you have any, will take care of itself.
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