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A random selection of fabulous funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.

Funniest Random Short Quotations - 39

Unknown

Words lead to deeds.... They prepare the soul, make it ready, and move it to tenderness.


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Mark Twain

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.


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David Van Boom

Life is simply the pursuit of something worth dying for.


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Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.


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Marcus Tullius Cicero

I am not ashamed to confess that I am ignorant of what I do not know.


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Georges Clemenceau

America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.


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John Updike

Critics are like pigs at the pastry cart.


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Jean Giraudoux

A golf course is the epitome of all that is transitory in the universe, a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.


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Bob Allisat

To pull together is to avoid being pulled apart.


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Epictetus

The good or ill of a man lies within his own will.


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Friedrich von Schlegel

The historian is a prophet in reverse.


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Ayn Rand

It is not advisable, James, to venture unsolicited opinions. You should spare yourself the embarrassing discovery of their exact value to your listener.



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