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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Random Short Quotations - 90
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife Trust me, it's not.
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Margaret Cho
I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.
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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together.
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John M. Keynes
Words ought to be a little wild, for they are the assault of thoughts on the unthinking.
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Kobi Yamoda
There comes a moment when you realize that virtually anything is possible- that nothing is too good to be true.
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Julius Henry Marx
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Henrik Ibsen
It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals; let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians.
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Alice Walker
Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk
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Harry S Truman
Nixon is a shifty-eyed goddamn liar. . . . .He's one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.
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Gamel Abdel Nasser
The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them we are missing.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
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William Penn
Never marry but for love; but see that thou lovest what is lovely.
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