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A random selection of fabulous
funny quotations from famous writers throughout history. From our database of over
hilarious 100,000 funny quotes.
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Very Funny Random Quotations - 120
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Walt Whitman
Give me the splendid silent sun with all his beams full-dazzling.
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Dame Edna Everage
My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.
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Colley Cibber
Stolen sweets are best.
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Bette Midler
I never know how much of what I say is true.
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Golda Meir
We do not rejoice in victories. We rejoice when a new kind of cotton is grown and when strawberries bloom in Israel.
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Milton Friedman
There is one and only one social responsibility of business-to use its resources and engage in activities designed to increase its profits so long as it stays within the rules of the game, which is to say, engages in open and free competition without deception or fraud.
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Jean-Paul Sartre
To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.
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Theophrastus
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
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Homer
The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
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Richard Milhous Nixon
Violence or the threat of violence must never be permitted to influence the actions or judgments of the university community. Once it does, the community, almost by definition, ceases to be a university. It is for this reason that from time immemorial expulsion has been the primary instrument of university discipline.
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Dan Quayle
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
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Dorothy Gilman
If something anticipated arrives too late it finds us numb, wrung out from waiting, and we feel - nothing at all. The best things arrive on time.
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